Pain and joy are both part of life and sometimes the worst thing that happened to you is the least worst that happened to someone else . Sometimes failure is not even failure but is another path that leads you to success.
I don’t know better either but I am learning. One thing that I know though, is that you can have the highest IQ but if you have no emotional intelligence you will fail the most important tests of life, you will tend to think that everything bad happens to you without even trying to figure out why and how it works and most important how you work as an intelligent human being.
The first step toward emotional intelligence is INTROSPECTION!
Stop for a moment, pull yourself away from the rush of life and start to think about your emotions, your decisions, the way you tend to react in some situations and why, the way your decisions affect you , what effect had on you all the events in your life, what is your role in your relationships, what do you actually want, what makes you happy, what doesn’t , what you can do to change what you don’t like, what kind of people do you prefer in your life, what kind of person are you?
You have to know your flaws better than your qualities because that is how you develop and that is the first step for you to get where you want.
Reading self-development books is a great step for developing your emotional intelligence. Usually and unfortunately , pain and unhappy events are the ones motivating people to develop their emotional intelligence but we should start being smarter and get one step ahead pain. Life is wonderful but sometimes bad things happen and they happen to all of us from different reasons or no reason at all. Our job is to deal with it and it is not easy but we have to.
Don’t wait for pain to come and motivate you to start thinking about you and your emotions , about your life and desires , about your paths, about your relationships. Start reading , start getting informed, start your introspection, start knowing yourself better because only then you will be able to manage your life better.
It only took me another bad decision to make me realize that I need to do something. I needed to pull myself back and discover what I was doing wrong. I waited too for the pain to motivate me but it was the time to do something for myself.
I needed to know better how I work and how other people work. I found out I wasn’t assertive enough. I had no idea how to ask what I wanted, I wanted to save people who didn’t want to be saved, I was not able to say No when I had to, I was refusing myself and let myself being taken advantage off. Some of that weakness still remained but most of it went away. I got more confident about my desires. We all matter at the end of the day. You matter!
Working on your emotional intelligence will do miracles for your life. Will change your perspective about life , people, relationship and yourself. Will help you be more confident and take better decisions for your life and understand better how life works. Will improve your social life too if this is where you have problems. Spending some time by myself , having long walks alone and reading , helped me a lot. Even asking friends about where they think you are doing wrong helps. Be ready for the truth though. Of course a real development you will gain with experience but it is good to be ahead.
I will give you a list of books I read and helped me a lot and I am sure it will open your eyes a lot and help you develop your emotional intelligence that we all need so much.
Lise Bourbeau ” 5 wounds that hinder us from enjoying ourselves ” – You will learn a lot about yourself and others. What wounds the shape of your body hides and what this tells about your personality. I read that book in 8-10 hours.
Paul Hauck ” How to love and be loved ” – Very good book! Lots of tips for a better relationship and marriage and to learn if you are compatible or not. Lots of examples and very easy to read as it is interesting.
Paulo Coelho ” The Alchemist ” – Optimistic and about following your dreams . Very easy to read and it will make you feel good and motivated.
Paulo Coelho ” Manuscript found in Accra ” – Wise words about life and the questions you have about life. Awesome book.You will probably find your own questions answered there by wise people.
I actually read lots of Paulo Coelho’s books because they are very easy and pleasant to read and you learn things about life and different situations, spiritual development , love, sacrifice, and so on.
Francois Lelord & Christoph Andre – ” How to manage difficult personalities” – We all meet difficult people so learning how to deal with them will be the best thing to learn. Very useful book that I need to read again.
Gary Chapman – “Five love languages ” – Because everybody reacts to different stimulants. You can learn which are the best to use for your partner and which are the ones that work better for yourself.
There are many other good ones and if you have a book that helped you please share the title. 🙂
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